A bit of this and a bit of that

A very successful real estate broker had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my commercial real estate office. All you have to do is [...]

Here’s a great joke a friend of mine sent me a couple of days ago.
A person checks into one of these Laughlin hotels for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room. Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, “You’ve given me a room with no exit. How do [...]

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, ‘The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you [...]

Oil Change instructions for Women :

Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
Drink a cup of coffee.
15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money Spent
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
==========
Oil Change instructions for Men :

Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store [...]

Effects of Alcohol
After 6 beers

After 2 glasses of wine
After 2 bottles of wine ( Shared of course )
After too many margaritas
After 3 Kamikazes
After 7 rum & cokes
After 1 large purple haze
After 3 martinis
After 1 bottle of tequila

Someone sent me this list of Windows Error Messages. You may not have seen them before but who knows, you may see them in the future.

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
Bad command [...]

We haven’t had a joke here in ages, so I thought I’d dig on up. It’s about boots and crocodiles. Enjoy:
One day a blonde woman wants to look for some boots. She first saw some thigh high boots she liked, but then settled on a pair of crocodile boots. She asked for help but was [...]

Following the previous post on lights, someone suggested I should decorate my house with these duck fader lights. While appealing, I don’t think they would be to everyone’s taste.
Must ask The Joke Shop to start carrying these ..

Thanks seem to have got a bit serious around here recently, so here’s a funny email someone sent me this week. Should put a smile on your face, especially if you’re dieting:
Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… [...]

*cackle* I have to get one of these shocking pens for the office. I keep finding myself lending pens to people and never getting them back. This way, I probably won’t be asked for a pen ever again .. at least not twice by the same person
We used to play with these when [...]