I cannot help but walk around on Cloud 5. Today is the first day that I woke up knowing that “Yes, I am really pregnant!”. It is not that I did not feel pregnant but more that I was afraid that my imagination was being over active!

Today was the big day. Our pregnancy test was a definite positive and we had to call the hospital to confirm our HCG levels. It felt like forever till we finally spoke to nurse Jenny. Our HCG levels were 728 on Tuesday the 3^rd. From what we seem to understand, this is nice and high. Excellent for pregnancy.

“* At 18 DPO, the average HCG level is 292 mIU/ml, with a typical range of 70-758 mIU/ml”

So apparently, we stand a good chance of twins! Yippee.

Today we became parents beyond any doubt we may have had. We could start hoping in a full term pregnancy. We are so excited and over joyed. We even went to Mothercare and bought our first baby booties. Naturally, we bought two pairs. One for Faith and one for Hope. They are so cute with a teddy bear design on the little white booties.

Owen had to fly out to the Isle of Man. Its been a long day waiting for him to return and waiting for tomorrow. Thankfully I stopped bleeding today.

We had our hospital appointment to check our HCG levels. We must have waited for around 2 hours, but the real waiting will be till we get our results. While waiting for the blood test we went to see the nurse. Jenny very kindly met with us. I told her that although I was still bleeding, I had done a test and it seemed positive. So she did another test for us. It was also positive. It seemed pretty much like a standard test so I was still not happy enough to believe we can still be really pregnant. I will not be happy till the HCG results are in. I do not think they can lie! Maxine was really pleased for us. Mind you so was Raj, the reception staff and over all everyone! I think Owen is beginning to think that it is possible that we may stand a chance of finally becoming parents!

Did another test today. It is still positive. How could today be a public holiday. I wish we were doing our HCG test. The wait is agonizing.

Did a digital clear blue test today. It reads PREGNANT. Can it be? Faith and Hope seem to grow stronger. How will I cope if it fails?

Owen was with me. We had to do another test. I bought a tesco test. The results were not very straight forward. To be positive there should be 2 round spots. We have 2 marks, but not perfect circles. Is there a problem with the test? This is agony.

Despite the bleeding I still felt pregnant. I needed to know that it is over. So I called Owen in the Isle of Mann and asked him if it was ok if I did a test. After all the heart ache we expected it to be a negative. After all I had menstrual cycle pains for a while, and I was bleeding. To top it off my OHSS signs had virtually disappeared. He agreed that I should / could do the test. In fact it was negative. It took all my composure to keep it together. It was cruelty feeling pregnant and getting a negative. But at least it was all over. But was it? My imagination started running wild with me. I kept seeing a line where there was none. Was I know losing my mind too? This was all too much. But I was so sure there was a feint line. Perhaps the remnants of the HCG injection or just my imagination. I looked at the packet, only to realize that it was an old test and now expired. Nothing else to do but try again. Right. Just to confirm it is negative (or in all honesty to try to cling on to some Faith and Hope). There was a problem with this test too. There were 2 lines. It could not be could it? Could I be pregnant! Yes I suppose… but I was bleeding.. so I was losing them anyway. What was the point? Besides it could be leftovers of the HCG injection.

Still there was a chance. Who cared about work… bed rest for me… perhaps we can save them still. There was only Faith & Hope! I needed to rule out that it was the HCG injection, so I called up Serono who make the injection. Guess what… the HCG should have been out of my system at the very latest 14 days after taking it. This was 16 days later.

Oh God… Dare I begin to imagine?